Is this relationship really working? Do I feel the same way as when we started this relationship? Does he really still feel the same way about me? Is he worth the time I am spending with him?
Such questions cross your mind when you start to feel like your relationship is not how it’s supposed to be, or it is not how it was when you first started dating.
The fact that you are here and chose to read this blog post shows that you somehow feel your relationship is coming to an end and you are looking for signs that confirm your feeling. It can either be that you stopped feeling the same way towards your partner, or your partner doesn’t feel the same anymore.
Breakups are heartbreaking and devastating that most of us refuse to choose to go through its pain. We avoid confrontation because we don’t want to hurt ourselves or our partner. This is why most of the time we choose to look for excuses that keep us going no matter what our gut tells us.
However, lying to yourself will only hurt you. You need to be brave enough to call it a quit when you see that your relationship is not going anywhere and neither is happiness.
The signs I mentioned below are for partners and married couples as well. However, since I am single, I will use “partners” rather than “married couples” below while talking about the parties in a relationship.
When is it truly over?
You may wonder if there is any way that maybe you are wrong about ending things. That’s okay. In fact, it is a good thing to try and work things out with your partner. However, you need to thoroughly evaluate your relationship without the fear of hurting your partner or ignoring your peace of mind in the name of love.
Here are some clear indicators that show your relationship is in trouble. If you notice multiple signs, then it is time to end it.
Communication Issue #1: Picking fights easily
Fighting is very common and normal in a relationship. No relationship is immune from partners picking fights with each other because it shows how much you care about each other. So don’t worry if you are having healthy fights regularly.
However, when all you do is fight with each other and try to find faults in every little thing you say or do, then there is a problem here. This shows that you are losing your communication with each other putting you in the direction towards the end of your journey together.
If you are fighting with your partner ALL the time, it means either of you is looking for a breaking point to end this relationship.
Communication Issue #2: Becoming extremely agreeable
The opposite of fighting can also lead to the end of a relationship. When you agree with each other all the time, this shows that you stopped caring for each other.
Although agreeing with your partner is great for having a happy and peaceful relationship, it makes your relationship with them dull. This makes you feel like something is always missing.
When you notice that there is no arguments involved in all your conversations anymore, then you need to start rethinking about your relationship. It is one of the signs that your partner stopped caring about you and is not bothered to share their disagreement on an issue.
Communication Issue #3: You’ve stopped talking like you used to
Normally, when you are with your partner, you tend to share everything with them. You start to have different kinds of conversations about your day and topics that come along. It makes you feel alive and cared for.
However, when you start to feel like there is nothing to talk about or that you are not interested in sharing the events that took place during your day, then it is another sign that your relationship is coming to an end. This happens when your partner’s presence doesn’t matter to you anymore.
If you find yourself losing interest in your partner or notice that they have lost interest in you, then you need to rethink about continuing this relationship.
All you notice is their flaws rather than the strengths
When you first start falling in love with someone, all your focus is on their colorful side. You choose to ignore their flaws because your love for them is bigger than their negative traits.
The minute your focus starts diverting to your partner’s bad points no matter what they do, you are done with being with them. You are not interested in their good points anymore. Even when you talk about them to your friends, you feel like there are no more good things to talk about.
When you reach the state of thinking only about their flaws, it is an indication that you’re starting to lose interest in them; which means your relationship is meaningless at this point.
The Emotional Distance
When you love someone, no matter what you’re going through, you choose to spend your time with them. You may need some space at first but you always look for ways to stay close to your loved one. You want to share your happy and sad moments with them to feel supported and loved by the person you care about the most.
Emotional bond between partners is linked to intimacy and the joy felt when spending time together. Without an emotional connection, commitment is impossible (in my opinion).
If you feel that there is an emotional distance from either of you, then your relationship is undergoing the stages of termination.
The Need for Space
It is common for men to need their space in a relationship more than women. The only way a man can get affectionate and miss you more is when you are away for a while.
Not only men, but women need their space too. They need their freedom to have their “me time”. Both partners need to have their space to spend time with their friends and family without the other person being included. All this is normal in a relationship.
What is not normal is when you are being pushed away. The things you used to do together, you no longer practice it. You start meeting up once a week without any solid excuse for it. Calls are ignored most of the time because of how your partner wants “their space”. All these are signs that you are not going through a healthy relationship.
If your partner is giving you excuses for needing some more space, ignoring your calls, or hardly making time to meet you, then it is clear that this relationship has to end.
The Choice of Justice over Forgiveness
In a healthy relationship, when you argue or fight with your partner, you tend to forgive them for what they said or did because of how much you love them. You empathize with them and find excuses to let go rather than looking for justice.
When you have reached a stage where there is loss of respect and empathy, you lose your capability to forgive your partner for their faulty actions. No matter the size of the faulty action, all you will be focusing on is getting justice for what they did and how they’ve hurt you.
The minute you look for ways to pay back your partner’s poor treatment without backing down no matter what, or your partner seeks to counterblow every action you make, it means that your relationship is no more of worthy.
The Careless Treatment
When you are deeply in love with someone, you care about them in every way. You care about their well being, their feelings, their problems, etc. Everything about them matters to you no matter how much you try to ignore it.
Being careless about your partner shows that you have started to lose interest in them. When questions like, “What are you up to?”, “Where are you (going)?”, “I need to see you as soon as you can,” or late night calls just for hearing each other’s voice and spending time with each other no longer exist in your relationship, then it is proof that care is absent in this relationship.
If your partner or you stop caring about each other’s life details, you are definitely falling out of love for each other.
The Blame Game
When you argue with your partner, you try to find ways to acknowledge and address the problem you are facing. Normally, past ignored issues surface when you are in an argument. This may build a defense mechanism to dodge the blame you are faced with.
Getting defensive only shows that you are insecure or trying to show power over your partner. This will not only destroy your relationship but also views you as an insecure person who only cares about being in control.
You need to acknowledge your problems and work your way to solving them. If needed, you should apologize for the hurt experienced by your partner.
If you see your partner blaming you for every little thing, you need to realize that you are in a toxic relationship that should end as soon as possible. Being the scapegoat in your relationship will only affect you and your self-esteem.
The loneliness in their presence
When you are spending time with your partner, you look for different ways to have fun together. You never run out of ideas on how to spend time with each other; even if it is just cuddling and giggling while looking at each other.
Spending time with your partner should feel special because of how they share their love, care, and affection for you. But, if you don’t feel their presence when spending time with them, then something is wrong.
Being in the same room together and feeling lonely and absent-minded while you’re next to each other means that you have stopped cherishing each other.
You avoid future plans with them
As long as you love your partner, you always fantasize about your future with them. You dream about getting married, having kids together, rounding the world together, etc. You also discuss your career future with them so you can walk the path of personal growth with them by your side.
Looking forward to your life with their presence in it is a vital sign of showing how much you love them and how serious you are in your commitment. You can never be too involved in a relationship and not have future plans with your partner (I believe it’s impossible).
If your partner stops making future plans with you, it is a strong indication that there is no more love and commitment involved in your relationship. They don’t think of you in the long run.
Compromising is always from your side alone
In any kind of relationship, there have to be some compromises made in order for it to continue. Compromising is not sacrificing; it doesn’t mean to totally give up on your values or opinions just because your partner wants you to. It is having a long view of a situation and looking for a path that helps you meet halfway.
However, this is something that should take place from both parties in the relationship. You shouldn’t be the only one compromising to keep the relationship going. Why should you be the one accepting him the way he is while he doesn’t?
If you or your partner is not putting any effort into your relationship, and all that’s happening is one is waiting for or forcing the other to compromise, this relationship is not worth fighting for.
Your opinion doesn’t matter anymore
In a relationship, you share your thoughts and ideas with your partner to see what they think about what you’re thinking. Every decision you think of making, you would want to first share and discuss it with your partner to know their opinion about it.
There is no decision you would make that will not affect your partner. No matter how trivial or significant the issue is, it will have an effect on them whether positively or negatively. So it is only fair to always talk to them before deciding what to do.
If your partner truly loves you and cares about you, they will never make a decision without discussing it with you. If your opinion doesn’t matter to them anymore, your relationship doesn’t matter to them either.
Constant contact is one-sided
Your partner is always the first person you want to talk to when you wake up and the last person to hear their voice before you go to bed. Even if you or your partner had a long busy day, you keep trying to contact each other as much as you can. You think of them every minute of your day regardless of what you’re doing.
For someone who barely stays in touch with you, or expresses their annoyance whenever you contact them, they don’t really care about you. Caring for someone and loving them means that you want them to be with you all the time by being with them or at least hearing their voice.
If you just started dating recently and your partner frequently ignores your calls and messages, then they are probably just using you. But if you have been together for quite long and your phone calls and messages are ignored, then they just don’t care about you anymore.
Hardly make time for you
Being busy is natural for everyone. We all are busy all day long. Even when we get back home, we are busy one way or another, either with the kids, housework, etc. But we still look for time to contact our loved one.
Using the excuse of being busy is just another way of saying I don’t really care about you. If a person is too busy to call, and instead, messages you in their 5-minute break, it shows that they still care and they’re thinking about you just like you are thinking about them.
If you are the only one who makes time to talk to your partner and they find excuses for being busy all the time, then their love for you is fading away and you need to rethink your feelings for each other.
The hesitation before replying “I love you too”
This is a very sensitive issue in a relationship. When you utter the three-letter-word that could change a lot in your relationship with a person, the least you would expect is them saying it back to you. If they said it back and you felt it, then it is amazing.
However, time can be against us. You could say “I love you” with the same passion you said it the first time but you don’t feel the same vibe when your partner says it back to you. You feel like there is hesitation in their tone. This is not a good sign at all.
I am sure this is something you would feel without me having to tell you but here it is.
If your partner suddenly starts hesitating on expressing how they feel about you, that shows that something is not right about them. There should be no hesitation, pause, or dodging response when expressing how you feel about someone.
Other signs that show it is time to break up
- Your partner stopped keeping his promises and is no longer interested in your happiness.
- You can’t trust him anymore because of how much he has misused your trust.
- He is physically or emotionally abusive. If you don’t love yourself no one will truly love you.
- He is prone to burst out of anger and suddenly becomes fierce with you.
- He tries to control you and your life regardless of what you want or how you want to lead your own life.
- You are no longer his priority as he chooses to spend more time with his family and friends than with you.
- To avoid having an encounter with your partner, you delay going back home by looking for other activities outside your house.
- He refuses discussion related to any topic of disagreement you are having at the moment to work things out between you two.
A relationship is not a black or white kind of lifestyle. There will be situations where you will have to let go of certain traits, take into consideration your partner’s mood swings, etc.
The points I mentioned above are just signs that could mean your relationship is deteriorating and it is time for you to consider letting go. However, they are not the only factors to consider breaking up. Try to empathize with your partner and be a fair judge on their actions.
The main thing is you should never stay in a toxic relationship just because you love them. You have to know that each one of us has a soulmate that is made especially for them.
Therefore, keep in mind that there is someone for you out there who will love you just the way you are and grant you the healthy relationship you truly deserve. 🙂
Thank you for reading till the end 🙂
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