While it is ideal and wishful that one would have a peaceful and bonding relationship with their parents, it is not really common.
Generally, relationships with parents can be complex and emotionally confusing. There are times you feel like they are the only people who love, support, and understand you. There are also times when you feel like they are your worst enemy.
These emotions are intensified among teens but it doesn’t mean adults don’t go through them. When I often complain about the conflicts I face in my house with my parents as an adult, I sometimes receive mockery of how I am acting as a teenager complaining about my parents.
Although I don’t really give ears to those phrases but they do get to me sometimes causing me to doubt the source of my complaint. But later I come to the conclusion that yes, we all face conflicts with the people we live in.
One more thing to be honest about is, living with your family doesn’t really mean that you are deeply connected with each other or that you are having the life of your dreams together. Sometimes, just knowing that you get to have the kind of support you need from the only people you can truly depend on is enough to keep your love and relationship for your family going.
There is one thing you need to keep in mind. Parents are not supposed to always be sweet and tender with you. There are times where they need to scold you because of how unhappy they are about something you said or did. This is normal…eventually they are “your parents”.
However, serious conflicts and heated negative emotions can arise when your relationship with your parents is somehow damaged along the way. There are times when it is obvious what caused these damaged emotions while there are times when you can not even point out where exactly is this emotion is coming from.
Before concluding that you have reached a point of no return with your parents, ask yourself the following questions:
- What exactly is pissing me off?
- Can I talk to them about the way I feel about them?
- Will they be willing to listen to me?
Your parents can be a hindrance to your happiness and your peace of mind whether you are a teen or an adult. They may be the reason you are unable to move on with your life and work on your personal growth. Yet, you have to always remember that they are your parents and that they love you no matter what.
In this post, I am willing to share some ways (or you can say tips and tricks) that can help you have a stronger bond with your parents.
Identify what is upsetting you from them
As I said above, there are times when you are too upset about a lot of stuff that you can’t really pinpoint the trigger. With that in mind, take the time to write down all the things that upset you from your parents before looking at how to solve something you don’t understand.
As you write the things that bothers you, you will come to notice and figure out what are the things that you find trivial to talk about with them and the things that are significant enough to cause the damage in your relationship. Point out at what you want them to change from their communication with you.
Choose a good time to talk to your parents
If you are an adult, your parents will most probably be 50+ years old. At this age, their tolerance, patience, and moods are unstable more than they were at a younger age. So if you want to discuss something with them, make sure that your timings are rightly aligned with their mood.
Sometimes, your frustration and anger can try and take control of your actions with them. You may refuse to wait for the right moment just because you wanna spill everything causing your rage. However, it is not a good idea because it will get you nowhere.
Choose a time of the day where they are relaxed and open for discussions when you want to tell them what is bothering you from their actions. Although there is no guarantee that they will respond positively to your expression or attempt of discussion to your feelings, there are higher chances of them responding to it with an open mind.
Be honest and transparent with your feelings
When you talk to your parents about your feelings, don’t hide anything for any reason. I know that honesty about how hurt you feel about a situation related to your parents can not be that easy, but you need to be transparent.
Otherwise, you will never feel like you gave it your all when you confronted them. You are going to regret not telling them this, ignored that, and so on.
Also, it is possible that you may never get this chance again. So just make sure that you tell them exactly how you feel about what you are discussing with them.
Manage your expectations
To me, this is the number one point that breaks most of us as the child of our parents: setting very high expectations from their reaction. You need to have realistic expectations from your parents. No matter how close they are to you and how much they care about your feelings, your parents will always be your parents.
Stop waiting for them to support you in things that parents actually can’t. When you set your expectations to realistic ones, then you will never get disappointed in things you knew won’t work out for you.
Also, don’t expect that things will go the way you want them from your first attempt to talk to them. Difficult parents are difficult for a reason. So don’t set high expectations unnecessarily. Keep talking to them about how you think about something they did. Offer a compromise or even more time to think about a request they refused.
Put yourself in their shoes
This tip had personally helped me get over my disappointments over my parents. Like I said above, no matter how close they are to you, they will still be your parents. By putting yourself in their shoes, you will start to understand why they do what they do or why they said what they said.
It is a parent’s job to worry and calculate and recalculate every decision they make regarding their child. It may seem like the worst part, but no matter what you do or how old you are, you will also be a child in their eyes.
So try to be more understanding when they disappoint you with something you want. Try to think about how much they worry and what thoughts will be going on in their heads before you get upset about their reaction to your request or discussion.
Final thoughts
Parents love their children no matter what they say and do. If they are difficult, then that doesn’t mean they don’t love you or care about you. They just love you in their own way.
Remember to keeps these tips in mind when you are dealing with difficult parents in order to heal your relationships with each other.
Thank you for reading till the end 🙂
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Do you have difficult parents? How do you deal with them without ruining your relationship with them? Feel free to share your thoughts and ideas in the comments below.
REEM SHAMS 