Is your parent really difficult to handle? Do they argue with you on most of the things you talk about? Do they refusing to logical and rightful solutions drive you crazy? Are you mentally suffering to handle them?
If all of the above is true, then you are suffering with a stubborn parent(s). It can be frustrating to watch a parent refuse most of your requests regardless of how realistic and important it is.
Sticking to their beliefs and traditions can be resenting which leads to miscommunication between parents and children. Sometimes, without realizing it, a parent’s stubbornness can turn into a boulder that can possibly lead the child to hate them.
When I say ‘stubborn parents’, I don’t only mean elderly or aging parents that are stubborn most of the time because of their old age. I am also referring to parents who are stubborn with the decisions they take about their children regardless of how old they are.
When a child is a teenager, parents’ stubbornness is mostly justified because of how young teenagers are and how irrational most of their actions may be. So if a parent is firm and stubborn, it is because they are looking out for their loved one.
However, parents’ stubbornness towards their adult child is not only how worried they are about their adult child making irrational choices because, at this point, the child is old enough to take responsibility for his/her mistake.
The stubbornness is mostly because parents are fixated to their culture and beliefs that they refuse to bend any of their hypotheses by looking into their children’s viewpoint. They believe that by making the child walk in their footsteps or making them walk in the path they believe is the best for them, they are choosing the best path for their child.
While you see that this is not true, unfortunately, this is how stubborn parents think. If you look closely, it will show that parents who are stubborn are mostly so because of their personality and attitude towards life. They presuppose every situation and sometimes lose their rationality before giving in to a discussion with their child.
Now, before going into the details of how to deal with your stubborn parent(s), let me get things straight. There is no such thing as “the perfect parent”. Each parent has their flaws and imperfection but that doesn’t mean they are bad parents or that they would wanna harm you in any way.
Every parent loves his/her child unconditionally. The way they express it can be different but it is their nature to love you and see what is best for you according to them. They try to protect you from the mistakes they did and the hard lessons they learned in life; which you may know of and which you have no idea about.
What we need to understand is that there can be many reasons why parents can be stubborn. Most of the time it is because of uncertainty. Parents have uncertain thoughts of how the outcome is going to be of your requested issue. They are not ready to risk anything just to make you happy and satisfied regardless of how old you are.
Related Post: How To Embrace Your Uncertainty
Here are some tips that can help you deal with your stubborn parent.
Try to understand why
Most of the time we are just getting upset about what they are doing without trying to understand the reason behind their behavior. If they are elderly/aging parents, there can be several medical or psychological reasons behind their actions.
However, if they are parents between 40-60 years old, then it has nothing to do with the “elderly struggles”. Unless they are going through certain health issues, their stubbornness is solely based on their character.
So, coming from stubborn parents, I have to tell you that you need to try and understand why they are acting this way rather than just getting upset and frustrated all the time. It is your right to be upset and angry when they act out and refuse an important request, but after you calm down I want you to think about WHY they did it. Put yourself in their shoes for a minute.
If you think deeply about why they are acting this way, you will find a reason behind it and trust me, most of the time, it will be because they over-care and are over-protective about you.
Accept the situation
I know this can be the most challenging thing to do while facing them, but it is the best way for having a peaceful and stress-free mind. The minute you start accepting the lifestyle you are in with your parents, you will develop better mental health by feeling contented of what is happening.
Try not to feel frustrated every time you experience their stubbornness. By keeping in mind that they are stubborn, you will set your expectation accordingly. This will reduce the disappointment and annoyance of their actions or responses.
By compromising your mental health by refusing to accept what is happening will only make everyone unhappy and stressed all the time. When you live with your parents in one house, the best way to overcome the heartache is to just accept the way they are and learn to live with it.
Don’t try to change their views
Another tip is don’t try to change your parents no matter what. They won’t change for you or anyone. They believe they are right and that is what is making them stubborn. Unless they experience a negative outcome from their decision or action, they will never change.
So the best you can do is live with it. Understand that their opinions and beliefs won’t change because they are solidified based on their thoughts and personality.
Never retaliate; choose your battles
An eye for an eye, or answering back at your stubborn parent(s) will backfire at you and still get you nowhere. Before getting into an argument with them, you need to see if it is worth it in the first place. For stubborn parents, you need to choose your battles. In fact, you need to stop retaliation at all if possible.
This is because no matter how much you argue with them trying to prove your point, it will never work on them. Instead, you will have caused unnecessary battle. So why start the battle at all.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that you should not discuss and try to prove your point to them. All I am saying is you need to think before saying anything that will backlash on you and cause the situation to get even worse.
Trust me, this is what happens with stubborn parents. You will end up being at fault one way or another because sometimes they don’t want to prove themselves wrong. So think before blurting out issues that are an unnecessary to discuss.
Look for an approach that works with them
Now, most parents are stubborn to their kids because they believe that their choices are the right ones to keep their children safe and protected. However, you can look for an approach that best fits your parent’s form of thinking.
Like for example, if there is an issue you want to discuss with your parent, don’t start with the problem and immediately provide a single solution to it. Instead, talk to them like it is an issue with several options and explain each of your solutions to them. Then chose the one you wanna go with. Explain your reasons and tell your parents that this is just a suggestion but the final answer is in their hand.
Sometimes, portraying your emotional connection to the issue can make your parent rethink about their solidified response and look for ways to meet you halfway without having to change their mind completely. I can’t guarantee that this will always work with them, but in 1:5 situations, it can possibly give the outcome we are looking for. The main thing is that you have to show them that they are in control and that you agree with whatever they say.
Respect them no matter what
I understand that there are times you may find it difficult to respect them because of their actions. But remember that eventually, they are your parents. They love you in their own way. Don’t let their attitude and beliefs towards your safety and protection cloud your judgment about how you both feel about each other.
There can also be influences from other people motivating you not to respect your parents if they hardly listen to you or consider your decisions. You have the full right to be upset from them and even distance from them. But no matter what, you have to respect them because they are your parents.
When you find yourself losing respect for them, just remind yourself that they are the only people who love you. Remember the days that can ignite your positive emotions to them letting you respect them again.
Find a way to outlet your frustration
Sometimes, it is possible that things can get out of control because it is just too much for you to handle at that moment. That is totally okay. Don’t keep it all in. You can look for ways to release your frustration without having to deal with them alone.
There are many ways you can do that. You can talk to a friend about how you feel about everything happening with you, take a walk, listen to music, etc. Or even cry! Yes, cry! Trust me, you’ll feel better after that.
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A father’s goodness is higher than the mountain, a mother’s goodness deeper than the sea.– Japanese Proverb
Parents are our only true support. They are the only people in this world who can love us unconditionally and go to extremes just to keep us safe and happy. If you think about the reasons behind their actions, you will know I am right.
There are times when their stubbornness can be good for us because whether we like it or not, they are way more experienced than us. This doesn’t mean that they have to control us the way they do but in the end…they are our ‘care-giving’, ‘protective’, stubborn parents.
But still, parents should be able to let their child grow and let them be responsible for their actions and decisions.
Thank you for reading till the end 🙂
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Are your parents stubborn? Share some ways you deal with them in the comments below.