There can be a lot of reasons forcing us to have a long-distance relationship with our partner. It can be because they want to pursue their education or career, or simply because they had to leave with their family. But does that mean it should be the end of our relationship?
A lot of people believe in the saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” There also is an Arabian proverb often repeated by people that says, “The person who is away from the eyes is also away from the heart.”
While these sayings can be true, they don’t have to be ALWAYS true. Many people have worked on their long-distance relationship for a very long time without having to break up just because they were away from each other.
I am not going to lie. A long-distance relationship (LDR) is not easy at all. You need to keep up with a lot of obstacles and insecurities. You need to stay in constant contact with your partner by adjusting your time based on different time zones. When you are not together, settling arguments can be a challenging task too.
There are many things to keep in mind when it comes to LDR. It may not be the best kind of relationship but isn’t love considered the number one factor to keep a relationship interesting and going? (Note that I said number one, NOT the only one. There are other things as important as love to keep a relationship stable).
I am going to share with you some tips that can help you in making your LDR work successfully.
1. Avoid excessive communication
I know that when your partner is away and you know that it is quite hard to get hold of them anytime can be very distressing. However, spamming them with calls and messages won’t get them any closer either. It will just drive them away.
It is normal for you to want to talk or message your partner all day. You may feel that you need to stay in touch with your partner all the time as a cover for the fact that you are not able to be physically together but don’t. It’s just annoying.
While it is important to stay in touch with them as much as you can, being obsessive about communicating with them is unhealthy. It will drive you both to stop loving each other with time.
2. Make sure you send a ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ text
Many partners fail to understand the strength of a ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ text. Regardless of whether you are in an LDR or SDR, these kinds of text are essential. It is a way to show your partner that he is the first person you think about when you wake up and the last person before going to bed.
These two texts can cover for a lot of missing conversations during the day when you are away from each other. It also acts as a source of happiness that can help you get through your day with a positive attitude.
3. Video call as much as you can
By this, I don’t mean every couple of hours (again, avoid excessive communication). Having a video call once daily or at least every other day will secure the connection between the both of you. It will make you feel like you are still there for each other. Seeing them on a video call and just listening to their voice on the phone is totally different.
If you have different time zones that make it difficult for you to have a daily or regular video call, don’t feel discouraged. Schedule your time together on which both of you are free to make that video call happen. Make sure that you free yourself at that time to give each other the full attention you need during the call.
4. Keep your partner updated; ask questions
It is important that your partner knows about the details of your day just like they would know when you are in the same place. Talk to them about the events that took place in your day, people you met, the places you visited, etc.
Just like you would if they were next to you, ask them about their current interest and if they are practicing any hobbies at the moment. Stay interested in their lives to show them that you still care about them and that you want to keep knowing more about them and their whereabouts.
5. Stay honest with each other
When you are away from each other, missing them can build up some negative emotions like insecurities, fear, paranoia, etc. Talk about those feelings with your partner. Be honest about how you feel about something.
By talking about your emotions, you are avoiding a boulder of negative (unnecessary) feeling to build up inside you without clarifying them. Being honest with each other will help you gain your partner’s support and solve problems at their initial stage rather than it being too late to even talk about.
Another point about honesty is, don’t do things behind your partner’s back. In this life, there is no such thing as a secret. Keeping secrets is the number one factor that can break someone’s trust.
What your partner doesn’t know today, they will figure it out tomorrow. And when they do, they will stop trusting you again especially that you are away from each other and they can’t actually see you. Do you think your relationship can survive without trust? Impossible!
I am sure there are things your partner doesn’t like when you do them, like going to a party, smoking, etc. Avoid doing those things at all. If you want to do them, then talk to your partner about it and discuss it to meet each other midway. This will show that you care about their feeling and point of view even when they are away from you.
6. Don’t just assume; be a slow judge
It is possible (and natural) for your brain to wander to different places when things get out of the ordinary with your partner. When you don’t get to see things with your own eyes, you tend to make unnecessary assumptions. This is just going to ruin your relationship in no time.
Try your best to work on your insecurities, jealousy, or paranoia. If he didn’t text you back, there is a good reason for it. If he couldn’t receive your call, maybe he was attending the new extra class he told you about that you forgot about.
Stop assuming the worse in situations. In fact, stop assuming at all. Just ask them directly what you think about what is going on and carefully look into their response. The main thing is to give some time before concluding that there can be something fishy about their actions.
Related Post: How To Tell Your Relationship Is Over
7. Stay positive; remind yourself it is temporary
I know being in an LDR can be emotionally draining. The missing and the longing to be with them can be painful and difficult. But you need to stay positive to keep this relationship alive and going. Keep telling yourself that this won’t be this way forever. It will be over before you know it.
There are different ways that you can keep yourself and your relationship positive. Journal about all the little things you appreciate about your partner/relationship (share it with them if you want), be grateful that you have someone who loves you in your life, go through the little gifts you shared throughout your relationship, etc.
Keep on sharing sweet gestures with each other to express your love for each other and to keep your relationship more alive. You can use these sweet text messages as your expression of love to help keep your love stronger.
8. Spend your free time wisely
Most of us become so into our relationship that it becomes our only focus. We only think about how to spend time with our partner, when are they going to call, what are we going to talk about, etc. We forget that we have a life that we have a chance to live.
You need to know that it is not right to isolate yourself and become obsessed with your partner. You need to give them space. So, it is time for you to look for ways to spend your free time when you are not talking to them.
Take it as an opportunity to spend more time with your friends and family. You can also start a new bobby to kill time productively. It will help you keep your mind off for some time before you can get back to him.
Related Post: 32 Super Easy Ways To Spend Your Free Time
9. Plan to do things together
When you are next to each other, you plan your day together. You talk about the activities you plan on doing for the day or the week. You can still do that when you are away from each other.
You can plan to do a lot of activities together at the same time. It will make you feel closer to each other than you think. Some of those activities are:
- Watch a movie, TV show, documentary, or a YouTube video and discuss it.
- Read a book. You can also highlight quotes/sayings and share it with each other.
- Take a walk together while talking to each other on the phone.
- Play an online game together.
- Shop the same item online.
- Choose a day to wear matching outfits and click a selfie. You can later collage it.
- Sing together.
- Share a virtual album/journal.
- Start a challenge (fitness, etc.).
10. Visit each other often
I know this can be a tough one but it is pretty essential. You need to take every chance possible to visit each other. This will help in making stronger and physical memories together that will be enough to hold on to until the next time you’ll be together.
All the longing for each other and the intensity of missing each other can fade away the minute you see each other face to face. The physical touch of your lover is all you need to feel that you are on the seventh heaven.
11. Establish some ground rules in your relationship
Each one of you needs to know what to expect from each other. This will help you know what to expect from this relationship and where it is heading. You can talk about how long you are going to stay without visiting each other, or other thoughts that will help you define your relationship.
Another important point to discuss is the boundaries of your relationship. Talk about your commitment level to each other, whether dating other people is acceptable or not, etc. Being open about these things will help everyone know where they stand.
12. Gift your partner an object to hold on to
There is nothing more romantic than staring at your key chain, or touching your necklace’s pendant while remembering your partner. Physical objects make remembering a constant act.
Not that we forgot about them, but they do skip our minds when we have a lot happening around us. So having a physical object that is always with your partner will make them remember you all the time no matter what.
It doesn’t have to be something huge or unaffordable. It can be a key chain, necklace/pendant, watch, earphone, collection of songs/videos, notebook, etc. There is a number of simple things you can get for your partner that is in budget yet very lovely.
13. Take it as an opportunity to test your love
Most of us believe that staying away from each other will drift a couple apart that we refuse to continue in a relationship before it even started. This is not true. I personally witnessed a dear friend stay in an LDR for almost 5 years. She visited her partner annually and they still got together eventually.
LDR should be taken as an opportunity to test your love for each other. If there is anything I learned from my past relationships, the further you are away from your partner the more he misses you. This is when you get to see your value in his life.
I agree that a long distance relationship is not easy at all. It is a draining and painful experience but it is in your hand to make it enjoyable. There are many ways to keep your relationship going and alive.
The main thing is to have patience and to trust each other. Always keep in mind that it is a temporary phase until you can be together.
Thank you for reading till the end 🙂
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Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? Are you in one now? Share your thoughts/experience in the comments below.